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So the other day I was on the gram minding my own business when Jessie woo posted this hilarious skit promoting a vaginal steam product.

I mean I was amused so I went to check out the business page of the product she was promoting and I kid you not they have 100k followers.100,000 people following an account that peddles vaginal “herbs and cookies” and I just ??

This led into a descent into a rabbit hole of crazy fads Instagram influencers are trying to get their fans to buy. I mean it is not enough to shame us into diets and fashion nova now we must think our vaginas are not at full capacity?

Quick disclaimer I am wise enough to know not to try any of these things but here we go

Coconut oil

Okay so this particular one says that if you have any issue at all with your vagina i.e. odor and or a yeast infection all you have to do is apply some coconut oil and everything will be back to normal.

If you are thinking of doing this here is the recipe:
1. Mix 4-5 tablespoons of coconut oil and 2/4 of warm distilled water
2. Douche with the solution
3. Repeat daily until the yeast infection is gone

Can you imagine going through all of this when you can just pick up a candida cream at the pharmacy?

Vaginal steaming

This is actually my fave because I have seen my friends do it in real life. It is comical buuuuut these people swear by it. So the alleged benefits are: removal of odor, reduced chances of yeast infection, vaginal tightening and toning and less cramping.

Okay so this what you need for a DIY vaginal steam:

• Rosemary
• Lavender
• Basil
• Oregano
• Yarrow
• Lemon balm

1. So you put the herbs into a medium sized pot and boil for 10 minutes
2. Then you pour the mixture in a bucket
3. Sit on the bucket with no underwear and cover yourself in blanket from waist down
4. Text your boyfriend while you vagina slowly cooks for 20-30 minutes

Listen, god forbid. I refuse to do any of this for myself or for anyone. I cringe when I think of the heat. This whole thing makes me think of pork for some reason.

Baby wipes

Remember when I said I would never try any of these things? Well I lied. I tried this and baby wipes are easier on your vagina so I Stan. I was hesitant because when I was 14 I stole one of my aunts vagina wipes and oh lord that minty and spirit sensation scarred me for life, I wince when I think about it. I mean if baby wipes are good enough for a baby they are good enough for your vagina. Tots recommend using them to wipe when you are on your period.

Apple cider / lemon wash

Mix apple cider or lemon juice with water and wash your cookie. My aunt swears it keeps your vagina tight. I cant imagine why anyone would want to do this for a man who has to do nothing but wash his penis but hey to each their own.

Baking soda

Wheeeew the abrasion! Smh one of these days y’all bits are going to fall off I swear. It is supposed to be mixed with bath water and you are also to drink it if you have and I quote “a foul smelling vagina”. Listen go see the gynae ok.

Things I swear by

Don’t let capitalism and patriarchy trick you into thinking washing your vagina with water is not enough. here are tips I swear by

• Skip panty liners to let your cookie breathe sometimes
• Drink lots of water because you can’t look in the bowl and see brandy (that is gross)
• Wipe front to back somewhat obviously
• Femfresh or vagisil occasionally and in moderation otherwise just wash with water or unscented and non alcoholic soap/body wash
• Eat your antioxidants
• And pee after sex I repeat pee after sex! (UTI is no joke)

Oh also obvi 2 showers a day and no undies when going to bed☻

Thanks for reading

Xa 🖤

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