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Break up blues – A step by step guide

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First of all, the best time to break up with someone is at the beginning of a new year, I think it’s easier to stick to your decision because you are still in the throes of new year new me/direction vibes.Secondly the best time to break up with someone is when your life is falling apart. Why? because you have more pressing matters like your livelihood and your life going off script and flying off the rails generally to pay attention to your aching heart or loins.Also, at this age heartbreak isn’t really heartbreak it is more of an annoyance. Because you have been here before and you got over it and you know you will get over this too. So now you just go through the motions counting the days till you are whole again. That being said here is a suggestion of said motions.

1. Your girls

Or just a girl really. Talk about it once, all of it, just the one time and shut up about it.the more you talk about it the more you feel nostalgic and forget that if things were so good you wouldn’t be here.

2. Icecream,a whole tub

Buy the whole tub even if you won’t eat the whole thing. It is comforting to look at. And honestly sugar is the cure to a broken heart.

3. Wine

And a bubble bath. Be dramatic put on sad music and wallow. Think about his wedding with another woman and how wrecked you will be when that day finally comes.

4. Schedule some time to cry

Set some time to cry and show up to do it when it is time. Why? Because then you will just be a walking well of sadness and then one day you have one too many drinks and you start crying and make the rest of us feel uncomfortable that’s why.I learned the hard way to show up to appointed times for emotional breakdowns because one too many times I find myself on the verge of a full-on breakdown in public while doing the most random things like getting groceries and that’s never a good look.

5. Get out

Every time I go through break up I contemplate packing up and moving to a different city lol I am so dramatic. Or I just want to put my life on hold to travel and do some soul searching like a rich white woman but alas my bank account cannot allow it so what do I do? I get out of my natural habitat, well that my house cause that will remind me of him, so I go stay at a friend or out of town for a while.

6. Time off

Unannounced time off because you are not doing this for attention but for your own wellbeing. So, no social networks for a couple of days or a week, including your instant messaging. If people need you they will have to call you, they won’t though, don’t take it personal.what to do during this solo time with your mind playing all sorts of tricks on you?First of all, listen to Warsan vs Melancholy on bandcamp, we all know Warsan Shire is queen of break up vibes. Trust me on this one.Watch series then spend hours online reading think pieces and reviews of said series (that gives me so much life)Secondly download Any books and read some books the said series were based on or don’t. Read Eat Pray Love, it is the ultimate break up and self-discovery book, it is so witty, funny and spiritual I love it. Then read other books by the author of Gone Girl. Then Download and read a bunch of For Dummies books, they have these on all kinds of topics including hobbies or professions you may have thought of pursuing.

7. A ritual

A ritual like the scheduled crying appointments is something so important to me. So, I have a bunch of them, according to whatever situation. I believe in lighting candles or fires and saying my intentions out loud. In this case saying goodbye.Instead of texting him for closure or going over to his place to drop his things off and then having sex with him and derailing the whole process, I would suggest gathering all of his things and burning them. Not out of spite or anger but as a way of letting go of all attachment, it’s important to clear your space and rid it of his energy to move on, so light that fire, say goodbye and mean it.

8. Project

Start a project, you will find that it won’t be something new, but something you have thought about doing before that you just never got around to doing (because you were too busy being a girlfriend), you have all the time in the world now, no more excuses.Side note: I love that I don’t trash talk anyone anymore even to my girls. I think I realised that sometimes things don’t work out and people don’t treat you right and that’s ok it happens. I can’t take it too personal, I have outgrown name calling and bitterness. I think this came out of the bitter work I did to find my self-worth. So, when someone doesn’t want me I know longer feel like it is a reflection on my self-worth.

Written by

Xa

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