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Why you should never be afraid of being alone

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The first time I wrote this last week it came from a bitter place, it was a passive aggressive way for me to get a message across to someone. I am glad I didn’t publish it. Since then I have had enough time and alcohol to figure out exactly what I wanted to say.

I went to a wedding and a friend took a picture of me. Looking at it, suddenly for the first time it dawned on me that I am a grown up. Like I’m really on this earth paying rent, buying groceries, having a job, taking care of family, going to weddings and all of that. And with that came the realization that I need to start moving like the grown ass woman I am, especially when it comes to men.

I thought very carefully and wrote this with so much good intention so I need you to listen to what I have to say.

That is not what you are here for

You do not exist for male consumption, you are here for a greater purpose. Instead of starting movements, writing a book, starting a business or climbing the corporate ladder and improving the world for the next generation of girls you are busy participating in likeability Olympics and pouring your magic into men who are talking to your replacement every time they look at the phone.

I know incredible women who are respected in their fields but who stay with men who treat them horribly because having a man is the ultimate trophy(thanks to social conditioning). For so long I tried to unlearn this, I’ve read books that were really insightful but yet I still found myself putting up with the worst. Even getting to the point of literally saying I am fine living under duress. But the other day I realized that life is hard enough as it is and I do not want to live in pain. Ask yourself why you want to live in pain? Just so you have a man? Are you serious?

Unless it is complete adoration and support you shouldn’t want it.

I think my point is, Every time I get an email that my work is getting published or I’m getting something I wanted for so long the validation is greater than anything a man has ever made me feel. So maybe focus more on your achievements and racking them up, the more you achieve the more you hold yourself in high esteem because you are a baddie and you shouldn’t let men treat you anyhow.
Speaking of likeability this monologue

from gone girl that sums it all up.

You could always do better

You could always do better, in every aspect of life. This includes men. I’m sure you can agree that the men you date now are better than the ones from your past (if not please stop reading right now because I can’t) so there is literally no reason to stay because your next man is going to be better than you current, so throw him away and live life.

There is a whole world out there

There is a whole world and you have a whole lifetime (however long that is). Ask yourself why you want to be in a relationship, like really ask yourself.

You will find it is about aesthetics, social media, social gatherings and impressing our peers. But you need to understand that no one cares about you as much as you think. If you want to be in a relationship because you want the financial security then you should get a job. If it’s for fulfillment then get a hobby and get things done. If you are lonely then shit you better get to know yourself and enjoy your own company.

Please please please watch this video.

I need to get back to work so I’m leaving links for accounts you should follow and threads you should read.

Dump him by the slumflower

Accounts you should follow on twitter:

@theslumflower

@imani_yvonne

@charliestoolbox

@LIBGyal

Have a lovely week and remember there is no reason to be a side chick to a man you have feelings for, unless you want to get stomach ulcers.

Xa🖤

Written by

Xa

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